Dating is Like a Box of Chocolates

Dating is like a box of chocolates: a box of chocolates that has been sitting around in your room for weeks. I first created this analogy the summer before I came to American. The boys I had available to me were lacking in quality. In studying my girl friends’ relationships with the opposite sex, I have come to one certain conclusion – women are idiots.

As a female, I will admit – I am an idiot. Idiot is actually the wrong word. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results – hence dating. That we’ll elaborate on another day.

Back to the important stuff – chocolate… furthering the analogy, sometimes I need “dessert”. I have a distinctive and unshakeable desire for “dessert”. I can’t stop thinking about it and the longer I go without dessert, the crankier I get – thus the chocolate box.

This box is old. All the good flavors are long gone. There are flavors I’m not particularly interested in and there are flavors that I have tried and know for certain I don’t like. I entertain the idea of eating the flavors I’m not interested in out of boredom. Something is better than nothing right? So I’ll eat the chocolate and remain unsatisfied.

The chocolates I have tried and I know very well aren’t good are candidates because my desperation has caused momentary lapse in judgment. I know I don’t like them. I know they’re not good. I know that it will not work. Previous experience has shown me that this flavor of chocolate and I do not mix well. Yet, like an idiot, I try it again and spit it out violently. I swear I’ll never do that again (if only).

I’ve exhausted the analogy, but let this resonate as a cautionary tale. Beware of stale chocolate. There’s a reason no one else has snatched them up yet. 

I Kissed a Girl and it Became Trendy

Once upon a time, girls kissed girls, and those girls were generally lesbians. Lesbianism has evolved from the days of ancient Greeks and even from the days when our parents were “cool” wearing too tight pants at Studio 54. One of my main interests is human sexuality and I have to note when things make notable shifts. Terms like fluid and pan sexual have come into the American lexicon. We can no longer be defined by such finite categories like heterosexual and homosexual.

But what about the sloppy chicks swapping spit at a bar? (As I like to call them, liquor lesbians) What’s to be said of their sexuality? It can be assumed that they’re not sending a message about their sexuality. But the question stands: have we as a society become so blasé that a girl can kiss another girl without having her sexuality challenged? I know I’ve been there.

My own personal reasons for kissing girls can be different than the general consensus. Kissing is fun. It’s light and harmless. It also is well received among guys. Kissing girls is a great way of getting attention. You imply your sexuality is not constrained and that a guy would have a good time with you. My point is this – the difference between unequivocal sexuality and a straight girl that, a straight girl will only do the girl on girl thing in front of guys.

Katy Perry, ever the musical innovator, illustrates the casual nature of girl on girl kisses in a boudoir-musical-pseudo-lesbian music video. Thanks to her, we can be secure in the knowledge that straight girls kiss other straight girls for fun, for show but not for love. And honestly, sometimes your girl friend looks a whole lot better than the guys you’re hanging around with. Kissing your girl friend could be the most action you get all night.

How Texting Has Ruined Dating

 I’ll be the first to admit that the millisecond my phone buzzes, I’ll knock over furniture to get to it. Hate to admit it, but our generation has grown so addicted to communication. Tracking someone down should take less time than it takes to wait in line for your Panini. Truth be told, texting carried heavy etiquette.

But let’s go back to a time before our thumbs were sore and calloused. A long time ago, before Blackberry and even Facebook, boys would call girls. Seriously. Sweaty and nervous, they would painstakingly dial the number praying to God her father wouldn’t answer. Nothing warrants an epic voice crack like talking to the parents.

But now, the ambiguity of texts, specifically the word “chill”, is enough to make a girl want to pull her hair out. Does he not respect me enough to want to do more than just hook up in his room? Or is he just being lazy while texting and actually he has an entire romantic evening planned?!

What happened? If you still don’t see my point, here is an example of how texting progresses as the night goes on:

5 pm – Hey girl. [insert inside joke here] I don’t know what you’re up to tonight, but let’s chill. What do you think about that?

8 pm – Sup girl. Still with my bros, but you down to chill tonight?

11 pm – Yo. We still chillin’?

3 am- Come over.

Courting is an overstatement.

 Now no one would ever call me traditional and the frills of antiquated courtship don’t thrill me – but seriously? Twenty-first century dating, like all other aspects of this time period, are instantaneous. We want everything and we want it right now. But that’s not how romance works. We have forgotten that romance is not a hungry-man microwave dinner – it is a complicated six course menu that takes hours of preparation and effort. But in the end, which would you rather have?